How Do We Talk To Our Kids So They Will Listen?

We’ve all been there.  Trying to talk to our child while they are within close proximity but they magically cannot hear us.  Repeat, repeat, repeat...and then after several attempts they FINALLY respond. It’s interesting...this might happen only when I’m asking my child to clean up her mess or to get her shoes on so we can head off to school in the morning.  Amazingly enough, I’ve never experienced this when asking what ice cream flavor she wants at the ice cream truck or what TV show she wants me to put on at night time. Super selective hearing. Or what about when I ask her to please stop whining….and it just goes on and on.  How can we NOT be ignored and really get them to start listening?

So I decided to do some research. Here is what I think are the top 10 most meaningful ways we can encourage better listening:

1. Connect with your child.  Get up close, and maintain some sort of eye contact.  Make sure you actually have their attention and that they are focused on you and what you are saying.  Yelling at them from another room about picking up their crayons won’t connect in this way.
   
2. Speaking of yelling, it does not work - although it’s a very natural reaction at times.  Let’s be honest, after a long day of work who has the patience?  Yelling isn’t going to get them to want to listen, in fact it can do the exact opposite.   It’s worth trying to remain calm and explain clearly what we are asking and why it’s important.
   
3. If they are refusing to listen to anything you are saying find out if something is on their mind or they need something and haven’t verbalized it.  For younger kids, it’s often hunger or the fact that they might be tired.  For older kids, maybe they had a tough day at school, or something else is bothering them.  Try asking questions to get to the root cause.
   
4. Speak clearly, and speak about one thing at a time.  I have made the mistake often of saying things like “get dressed, clean up those stuffed animals and brush your teeth” all in one sentence. This can lead to a child tuning out.  Try instead to ask for one thing at a time and be specific about your ask.
   
5. Keep it simple and brief.   If you’re not sure they comprehend what you are saying, ask them to repeat it back to you.  Too much blabbing will sidetrack your child, unless of course you are talking about ice cream.
   
6. Sometimes offering a choice when talking to our kids can get them interested in listening.  For example, trying to get them to come sit down for breakfast. Would you like cheerios or granola for breakfast?  Do you want the green or blue bowl? Do you want to sit in this chair or that chair this morning?
   
7. Speak in a way you want to be spoken to.  Be polite, use the words “please” and “thank you”, and try to leave out the 4-letter words (save that for later when they’re not around)!
   
8. If a child is very upset and you are trying to communicate, try to help settle them first.  What child going through a tantrum is going to give you their ears? The answer is none. Wait until they have calmed down before you try to communicate, or else you are wasting your energy!
   
9. BE A GOOD LISTENER.   Be that role model for your child.  If you are constantly saying “uh huh”, while scrolling your FB feed and not giving true attention, that is teaching your child bad behavior.  Be present, and hopefully they’ll learn to reciprocate that to you.
   
10. Praise them when they do listen. “Hey, thanks for listening to mommy and holding my hand when we are crossing the street”!  They love attention, and hopefully that will encourage better listening in the future. If they’re REALLY being attentive and truly sharpening their listening skill...maybe it’s deserving of an ice cream!!!
    

​