Preparing our children for the school year & addressing back to school anxiety

Another summer is winding down, and our focus is now on the start of the school year.  This can be accompanied by anxiety (for both you AND your child). So how can we best prepare our children for the upcoming year?  We’ve spoken to Kimberly Shapiro, an elementary school counselor at Hawley School in Newtown, CT and have put together 10 tips that will help us through the adjustment of a fun, playful summer to a more regimented school schedule.

1. Ensure that your child is familiar with the school.  For me, this meant trying to meet up with moms and children that would be in my daughter’s class and playing at the school playground.  Letting her explore the physical grounds of the school, prior to her first day of Kindergarten. This definitely got her excited and curious about where she was about to attend.  Even better, attend any orientation with your child and try to get inside the school. “In cases where it is a new school situation, such as a kindergartener or a student who moved to a new town, reaching out to the school to set up a walk through so the child knows what to expect can be helpful”, Kim Shapiro says. The more familiar they are with their new setting, the more comfortable they will be on their first day.
2. Talk often about school, specifically your child’s teacher by name.  If you are able to meet the teacher in advance, fantastic.  If not (as this is not always easy), perhaps you can find a photo of the teacher, so your child can look at it and start creating a bond.
3. If it is a new school, meeting up with other children in their class in the weeks leading up to the school year can be tremendously helpful in putting them at ease and creating excitement for the days ahead.  If you’re able to walk together with another friend of theirs on that first day, that would definitely help.
4. Prior to that first day we read books about Kindergarten, so some of her fears would be answered.  Clifford Goes to Kindergarten was her favorite.  My thought is that the more they read and become familiar, the less it remains a “mystery” and the easier the transition.
5. Goodbyes are the hardest. The first day of kindergarten there were MANY tears (OK, by me too after I walked away). In my daughter’s preschool they made “worry dolls” that they could hold onto if they were nervous or worried about something (the thought is that the doll will help take their worries away).  This comforted her, and she kept it in her backpack (all year)! “Some students feel anxiety separating from their parents/family members”, Kim adds.  “In these cases, remind the child that even apart, you are still there supporting and loving them. Some good books for this conversation are The Invisible String by Patrice Karst and The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn.  Giving the child something to look forward to after completing their first day of school could be another helpful tactic, and the start of a yearly routine.  Some families go out for ice cream, have a special snack at home, or some other activity that fosters spending quality time together. In cases of extreme separation anxiety, it is best to keep separate the parent to whom the child fears separation from, when it is time to go to school.  For example, if a child feels anxiety separating from their mother, it is better to have the child get on the bus to go to school rather than be driven in by their mother.  If bus transportation is not an option, being driven to school by another family member/trusted adult would be the next best choice. This eliminates the stressful moment of separation from happening at school”.
6. Summers often mean later nights and going off-schedule.  A couple weeks prior to school, transition your child to an earlier bedtime so they can be bright and cheery when they wake up in the morning.  It’s hard enough getting kids out in the early AM, but a an overtired, cranky child is the absolute worst. “School anxiety is fairly common, especially during a transition period.  Starting back at school after summer or other vacations can be especially difficult for some students.  In these cases, it's best to provide structure. Having a set bedtime and routine can help children get back into the groove and ease some anxiety”, says Kimberly.  “Begin the transition to a school time routine at least a week before summer is over. Eating dinner together and at roughly the same time each day, having a set bedtime and sticking to it, etc.  Once school gets started, homework and backpack packing/unpacking will become parts of this routine as well and should be done consistently everyday”.
7. Get your child involved in the purchasing of school supplies - whether that’s picking out their favorite backpack or folder, this will help create enthusiasm around the new school year and they are more apt to take care of their belongings if they truly love them.   Let them pack their bag, and include a memento from home to help them feel connected and secure.
8. Talk about feelings and validate their feelings.  Wrapping your head around any anxieties or worries can help you work towards a solution and find ways to work through those feelings.  “Talking with your child about what feelings they are having, validating those feelings, and giving them the tools to utilize when they are feeling nervous is important.  Some such tools include deep breathing, counting to 10, and identifying something they smell/see/hear/feel/taste in a moment of anxiety can help. Remind the child that they will be safe in school”, says Kim Shapiro. “Ask your child open ended questions such as ‘What feelings do you have when you think about going back to school?’ Some kids are excited, some are both excited and nervous, some are sad to see summer end, and others might just be nervous.  Let them know that whatever feeling(s) they are having, it is OK”.
9. If you can, try to get involved in school events and tell your little one about it.  Your child will be SO excited that mommy or daddy is volunteering at a school event, and the support and enthusiasm this shows is incredibly important to them.  
   
10. ​On that first day (if your child can read), leave a special note in their lunchbox that tells them just how proud you are and that you are thinking of them.  Or, if your child is not at reading level yet - how about making a drawing of the 2 of you together? ​